I am not even supposed to be here today.

Today’s title comes from the wit and wisdom of Clerks.  “I’m not even supposed to be here today” is the mantra that Dante Hicks repeats often throughout the film.

And for me, it’s become my catch phrase for this weekend.

Because last night I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Ontario, CA via Salt Lake for Coachella.

Instead, I was in Tucker, GA babysitting a 15 month old for a friend.  And don’t get me wrong.  I am glad I was in a position to help my friend out last night. But it still stings that my Coachella trip didn’t pan out.

I guess the silver lining is that I got closer this year than I did in years past.  I had the festival ticket (which I sold via StubHub); I had miles for my flights (and when I had to pull the plug on the trip, I had to pay a fee to have them redeposited which, while painful, was ok); and a house within walking distance of the festival gate.  Sadly, my share of this awesome house is what tipped the scale for me not attending.  $1000 for four nights was just too much for me to commit to at a time when I no longer I have steady income.  The plan had been to use my tax refund for housing.  Given the change in my employment, that tax refund is going to have to cover my mortgage and some other bills instead.

I guess I could have rolled the dice and gone anyway.  But I know myself well enough to know the whole time I’d have been there I’d have been worried about what happens after the festival.  Yes, I have savings but given I am unsure how long this lay off is going to last, I was reluctant to spend cash on four days when that same amount might be needed to cover an entire month down the road.

Did I make the right decision?  I don’t know.  On paper, it would appear so.  In my heart, I am not so sure.  But I do know that given the information I had at the time a decision needed to be made, I did what I felt I needed to do.  And at the end of the day, I guess that is best any of us can do.

The hardest part about being a grown up is making decisions when there are a lot of variables beyond your immediate control.

The purpose of this blog was to get me ready for a festival that I ended up not attending.  To chronicle the loss of 70 pounds in 35 weeks.  Neither of these things happened.

Failure on two fronts.

Go me.




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